CHANGES

I'm a creature of habit.  I'm not a big fan of change.  God has really been challenging me with that lately.  Seems like anything that could possibly change HAS!  I can actually say that these changes are very exciting for me and I am trying my best to happily go about my days of change.  I am trying very hard NOT to take my normal, control-freakish stance and be anxious about every step of these changes.  I am trying to just let them evolve and let God's plan for my family work out however He best sees fit.  Some of the changes that are going on right now are:

• Starting a new, very different job!
• Leaving behind an old workplace & tying up all loose ends there.
• Saying goodbye to some very dear co-workers.
• Finalizing a new mortgage agreement.
• Moving to a new house!
• Renting out (or selling) our old house.
• Enrolling Ali in school for the fall.
• Figuring out a new schedule for our time with Jake & his school.
• Nick finishing his Associate's Degree this Winter.
• And just adjusting to all of these changes!

I have realized that there is no possible way I could do all of these things on my own (or even with my amazing hubby taking care of 85% of them!).  I am a woman of faith, but right now, in this trying time, I am laying this all on the big guy & letting the chips fall as they may.  My friends have asked me if I'm just "so stressed out" about all these changes.  And, while it is overwhelming when I sit and think about it (or list it out), I can honestly say that I am at peace with all of this and that I know God will provide the solutions we need, when we need them.

This mind set is a pretty huge deal for me.  I'm a perfectionist.  I am known to be anxious.  I like things done my way and on my schedule.  I like to have a plan & stick to that plan.  (My oldest daughter, Ali, was the beginning of ruining that little false-hope that I had clung to........she came 5 weeks early & all I could say when my water broke at work was "But it's FEBRUARY.  I'm having an APRIL baby".  Remember, Tina?)  I would even say that I am a control freak.  Yes.  I admit it.

With all of that being said, here's also what I know.....
I know that God is good (actually VERY good) to my family.  We are blessed beyond what I can even fathom.  We have 3 beautiful, healthy, intelligent, funny, loving, & simply wonderful children.  We have a marriage that gives me strength, love, joy, and confidence every day.   We have a steady income and $ is never an issue for us.  Just when I start to worry about bills or $ in accounts, something comes through and we're fine!  We have wonderful extended families that are supportive, loving, and generous in so many ways.  And we have our church.  Our wonderful family of fellow believers who inspire us to be better Christians and to have a real relationship with God.  


I also know that God will meet all my needs according to His plan.  I know that He has made my path and that He is guiding me in the ways He wants me to become.  


Before my interview for my new job (which I felt very under-qualified for), I prayed that God would give me the words to speak during the interview and that I could be His tool for whatever plan He wanted to come of this.  The next evening, I received a phone call that I was the top candidate out of 23 applicants (4 of which were interviewed).  I was astounded.  I had applied on a whim, never thinking I'd be offered such a great opportunity, and here I am, about to embark on a crazy new adventure.  So now, one of my next hurdles will be to lay my struggles in my new job on Him and seek His guidance through all of those trials.  


But 1 question remains:
Do you think He has much experience with teacher unions???
 

How do I say goodbye???

Dearest Gma:
I just wanted you to know how dearly you are loved.  You are truly a woman of grace and have been a quiet, loving inspiration to everyone whom you've met.  You have been an idol of motherhood and your children all adore you.  You are amazing.  A true gift from God above.  I am glad that He will get to be with you soon, but I am so sad that my girls will never get to know you as I have.  I may not see you often, but you are always thought of with love and admiration.  I pray that when you get to Heaven, you will get to see Pa right away,  that you may have a joyful reunion.  I pray that your body be fixed from all pain and be restored, as the Bible says it will be.  I can only imagine you in Heaven, carefree, pain free. I am thankful that you are a woman of faith.  I have seen God working through you to touch those around you.  You are a kind, loving woman, and I have been blessed to call you my grandma.

I will never forget my childhood visits to your house on Sundays.  Chop suey, spaghetti, angel food cake, pickles, rolls; food has never tasted as good as when we ate at your house.  Gma I love you.  I love going to your house, playing your old piano, all out of tune.  Listening to your birds chirp and cackle away.  Walking to the pond and seeing new wonders of nature.  Salamanders in the woods.  A deer in the pond.  Geese that chased Amanda and bit the backs of her knees as she ran screaming to the house.  The little slide by the pond.  The old row boat.  The old dog "Blu" in the dog house.  The glider swing out back that we spent so many visits relaxing on.  Spinning in the cushy black chair that was Pa's.  Playing checkers with Pa and NEVER EVER winning.  Spending the night and having the most fun adventures with you.  The little parakeet I stuffed for you and you proudly displayed for years on your mantle.  Your shy smile and girlish giggle when someone said something embarrassing.  Playing for hours on the sun porch with the old school desk you had.  

Thank you for these memories and for touching my heart with an unconditional love and kindness that I can only hope to pass on to my children and grandchildren.

Thank you Grandma, for always being someone who was proud of us.  No matter what we did,  you were happy for us.  You celebrated our littlest victories and made us feel like we were Olympic Gold Medalists.  Your spirit is infectious.  Just a short time at your house or reading your letters, and all stress or anxiety of the world would melt away.  Never judging us or making us feel bad, you always smiled and supported.  The epitome of humbleness, grace, and love.  What more could a granddaughter ask for?  Never was a role model so great as you......

I will never forget you.  Ever.  

I'm so sorry I didn't visit or write more often.  You are truly loved and I miss you already.  Please say hi to grandpa for me and watch over me from your new home.  I wish you didn't have to leave us, but I know that where you are going is much better than anything here on Earth.

My children are blessed to have known you, even if only for a short while.  Your are truly loved.  Always.

Missing you,
Jenny.....

Reading

Ali has been reading books back to me lately after I read them to her.

A few nights ago we read the Mr. Mischief book. The way she said "Mr. Mischief" was so cute! She cracks me up!

She also amazes me with how well she tells back a story. She really listens and re-tells almost every detail.

I am so proud of her. 

In these pictures, she's reading to her baby sister, Adrienne.  She's such a good big sister! 

Sometimes I am worried (well, not sometimes, really. Actually it is almost always!) that I am not doing everything I can to activate and engage her brain. I constantly worry that I'm missing or forgetting something. But, in moments like these, she calms my heart and reminds me that I can't be a perfect mommy, but I am doing a pretty good job so far.

Ali has taught me so many things in her mere 2 1/2 years of life: patience, unrelenting all-consuming love, and faithfulness in God.

I can't imagine what more she'll teach me in the future, but I know she is a blessing straight from God, right into my arms & heart. <3

March 1st, 2011

Today was Adrienne's original due date! But, following in her big sister's footsteps, she came early! She tried to one-up her sister and come at just 34 weeks pregnant, but after 4 weeks of bed-rest, 2 trips to the hospital with pre-term labor, and medication to stop contractions, we had a healthy, beautiful baby girl at 38 weeks! My beautiful baby girl also shares her birthday with her adorable cousin, Piper! (What are the odds of that?!)

In the 2 weeks that I've had Adrienne in my arms, I've just been trying to get used to being a mom of three! We've been getting a routine established, trying to sleep, doing our best to keep Ali happy and not feeling neglected with the baby getting so much attention, and just trying to keep on top of the every day things that need to get done.

I'm getting the hang of it. For sure.

But, it's going by WAY too fast. 2 weeks old already! That means I only have 4 more weeks home with my darlings. :( That makes me sad. Very sad. Especially when I think that I only have 2 weeks off for the summer. That makes me even sadder.

I feel very blessed. Blessed to have 3 beautiful, intelligent, healthy children. Blessed to have wonderful friends & family who care for us and support us in various ways. And blessed to finally be holding & loving on Adrienne! (She's so cute & sweet! I am LOVING snuggling her!)

I also feel very BUSY. I get a little stressed out / anxious when I think of going back to work & how our routines will change. Adrienne is on a 4-hour feeding schedule and I've managed to get her on-board with what I think will work out ok while I'm at work. Most of my day is just spent occupying Ali and comforting / feeding Adrienne. I really don't have much time to do anything for myself. {Which explains the lack of postings from me!} But, my goal this week is to get in more of a routine so that I CAN have some time for myself. Whether it's time to post on my blog or get down to my scrap table. It's important to get time to myself (even just a small chunk of time) to recharge / unwind.

This is a random post. I feel like my mind is a jumble these days. Must be the lack of sleep / surging mommy hormones kicking in. I'll try to post a more coherent entry soon.